Anatomically Incorrect

There's an unspoken rule in a role playing campaign that I'd like to bring to light, and explain why it is the way it is.  The rule is simple.  Your characters never need to use the bathroom, and they don't have sex.  Ever.  They don't even have genitals unless you're kicking them.  It's just better for everyone like this.  Why though?  Wouldn't it add a sense of realism to the game?  It is role playing after all, and you're playing characters in an epic story.  Adding stuff like romance and seduction would make the story more complete.  And why wouldn't they need to go to the bathroom?  Didn't the book "Everybody Poops" teach us anything about life?  Let me explain...

"I'm the dude playin' the dude disguised as another dude.  Only now I'm a chick that poops."

I never discourage players from playing characters of the opposite gender.  It can make for some very fun and interesting characters.  And I get it, you want your character to be sexy-hot, like every character in any Michael Bay film.  Cool.  Done.  But the moment you start trying your "seduction technique", we're all suddenly every uncomfortable and the game has taken a terrible turn for the worse.  Because while you see your character looking like Kate Beckinsale, we all see something very different.  Very, very different.

 "Me pretty!  Me would date with you now!  No, where you run?!  Me love you long time!"

And no, it doesn't matter if you have an all-nerd-guys group or if you have a female player in your ranks (you lucky group you), or even if your group is made up of a mix of best selling authors and Oscar winning actors -- someone's going to get mighty uncomfortable when Player One starts hitting on the Gamemaster.  And just so you know, I'll unleash the damn Tarrasque on your butts if you try.

 "Am I pretty NOW?  Come on, let's do stuff!  ...jerk."

As for the other thing ... do I even have to get into it (no pun intended)?  I mean, really?  By now you're probably hoping I don't have a picture or graphic to post on this topic, and you'd be right to be scared.  You think we want to role play that out?  No character in Star Wars ever had to poop.  John McClain never had a "romantic scene" and he certainly never poops.  Legolas Greenleaf never asked Aragorn if he remembered to pack the elven butt-wipe leaves.  It doesn't happen, there is no skill or roll associated with it no matter how much you try to convince me there is, and so help me I will smash your character with the bow of the Titanic just to make sure your body is never found if you argue this point with me.  And seriously, why would you even want to?  And now, a picture to help me make my point -- here's a soldier doin' his business.

"You're welcome."