I'm Mr. Awesome

Veteran gamers will know the guy I'm talking about before you can finish reading this sentence.  He knows the rules of the game better than you, can recite the tables and charts from memory, and knows exactly which rules he can exploit to make the ultimate character.  His stats are perfect.  His skills and feats designed to make him a one-man army.  When he shows up for gaming, he brings his own GM screen so he can hide his rolls from the rest of you -- and he always rolls good.  If a goal is so impossibly difficult it requires a 20 to turn up on a d20 die, he'll be the one who pulls it off.  You may not get to see it, but he swears he's done it and he doesn't do "re-rolls".  At the end of the gaming session, he takes his character sheet home with him.  You are not allowed to see it.  The rest of you are a supporting cast to his lead role in your epic adventure, and none of you are necessary to complete any task because he can do it all.  If you're adventure comes from a pre-written module, he's already read it.  Don't even think about altering the rules because he'll call you out on it every time and your gaming session will turn into a law debate.

In a word, a douchebag.

Every turn is my turn!  You get no turns!  You lose!  Good day, sir!

So how did it come to this?  Who invited this guy to the party?  And how do you deal with him?  No, seriously, I'm asking.  I have no straight-forward answers.  All I have are suggested ways of dealing with the situation so his presence in your game doesn't cause a voluntary total-party-kill.  My apologies if any of these things seem juvenile, but they aren't meant for you.  They're meant for the Gamemaster dealing with the douchbag at the table.

Step 1:  Change the Game.  There are hundreds -- literally, hundreds -- of role playing games out there.  New games are published every year.  And let's face it, the actual rule system doesn't matter.  What does matter is the story and the characters, and that can bend to any rule system.  Even a pre-written module can be altered to fit a new story.  You want to play Star Wars?  You can use the classic d6 rules, the d20 rules, the Saga Edition rules, GURPS, FATE, FUDGE...  Who cares?!  As long as they get to play Jedi and Smugglers, they'll be fine.  Find a game system he doesn't know or has never heard of.  Even a small change like going from D&D to Pathfinder or D20 Modern might be enough to throw him off his game and into yours.

 What's sad is ... I think I own all of these.

Step 2:  Digital Character Sheets.  Okay, I personally just find this convenient from a Gamemaster's perspective.  If you keep all the characters together on your computer, you can easily update them, re-print them if they get lost or damaged, add special treasures to players without the other players knowing (if you like that cloak n' dagger kind of thing) -- and you don't have to worry about players altering their own sheets behind your back. 

Step 3:  Rewards for Failure.  This is a house rule I implemented a while back and it works great for my campaigns.  I offer bonus experience (or some other bonus) for "critical failures".  No such bonus for a critical success because they're already getting double-damage or whatever the rules deem worthy.  But I've always believed people learn from their mistakes more than their successes.  The new house rule means players don't feel bad about screwing up.  Their character might shoot their toes off or blow up a teammate because of the failed roll, but they gain a bonus to use later which curbs against the impulse to cheat.  Kinda tricky, I know, but it works.

 Well, if you screw this up, at least you'll have learned something...

So these are my tips.  How do you deal with the know-it-all douchebag player?  Leave your comments!